Kasandra Brown is a sophomore at the University of Wisconsin, Madison and a student employee at the LGBT Campus Center.
I walked into a conversation this afternoon about the latest LGBT bullying related suicide. I quickly found out that it was a Minnesota teen who died on Saturday morning. With these basic facts, my mind immediately went on high alert. I grew up in Minnesota -- I know plenty of young people who live there.
Then the conversation got more specific--it was a boy from Jefferson High School. What? I graduated from Jefferson High School. What if I knew this boy? Passed him in the hallway when he was a freshman? What if his locker was near my old one? Could he have known my favorite teacher? I started to wonder--what does it mean for me to be spending so much of my energy on Stop the Silence, an LGBT anti-bullying campaign, and spending so much of my time planning Break the Silence, Wisconsin, a statewide march addressing homophobia and transphobia, when a young man that I easily could have known took his own life because the level of intolerance that he faced on a daily basis became too much?
Stop the Silence was started in response to a string of LGBTQ suicides that took place in September and October of 2010. We are now passing quickly through January and once again, a boy's body is being buried. His family will never again be able to give him a hug. Friends unable to tell him a funny story or ask for his advice. He will never have the chance to hold his diploma, have dinner with a significant other or pursue his dreams. Lance Lundsten, with his beautiful and welcoming smile, will never be able to see it get better.
After reading the article about his death I realized that the Jefferson High School this boy went to was not the same as the one I graduated from. Well that's a relief, right? He's not connected to me in any way, not a friend of one of my friends, nor is he the brother of someone in my graduating class. For a split second, those thoughts danced through my brain. I soon realized, however, that his connection to me is far deeper than any high school alumni or six degrees of separation could ever wish to form.
The word "my" becomes shockingly insignificant when thinking about the reasons for this boy's death. Homophobia and transphobia have an extremely powerful effect on communities all around the world. They may play out in unique ways, but one thing remains the same wherever or whoever you are--hatred directed toward a salient aspect of one's identity is always experienced in negative ways.
For this boy, and the countless others who saw death as their only escape from a world that is so cold and unable to accept them for who they are, bullying was not a minor part of their day. The people who picked on them, called them names, tripped them in the hallway, and made their lives miserable in countless other ways, may not have seen their actions as anything major. They may have enjoyed causing pain but thought it only temporary and fun. Unfortunately, as this situation and the countless others like it demonstrate, one person's fun can all too easily come at the price of another's life.
I am tired of reading about suicides. I am sick of thinking about the loss of a young person's life because of other people's ignorance. Please stop the silence. Please speak up. It doesn't matter if you identify as LGBT or not. It doesn't matter if you've never experienced bullying in your personal life. Speak up for those whose voices are silenced. Bullying affects each and every one of us because it is the manifestation of hatred. It needs to end.
Think about ways you can make it better. Write your school administrators and tell them why policies need to be put in place that prevent bullying. Stand up for people whenever you feel safe doing so. If you're in Wisconsin, show solidarity with thousands of others by attending Break the Silence, Wisconsin on April 15th. Use facebook and other online networking sites as advocacy tools letting your friends know that you do not support anti-LGBTQ attitudes and behaviors or harassment of any kind. Think about your actions, the words you use, and the messages you send.
Peace be with the friends and family of Lance as well as anyone who must deal with the effects of living in a culture that actively supports homophobia and transphobia. There are so many issues and problems plaguing our world, why does this have to be one of them? Love the people around you for who they are--that's one of the most important things we can all be doing on a daily basis.
I posed the question in my first paragraph asking what this boy's death means for me as one of the founding members of an LGBTQ anti-bullying campaign and primary organizers of Break the Silence, Wisconsin. So what does it mean? It means that our work is more important now than ever before. It means that bullying may have fallen out of the public eye, but the problems clearly persist. And most of all, it reminds me that the sadness associated with this news goes hand in hand with the power and unity that will radiate from the state of Wisconsin on April 15, 2011. There should not be one individual in the world who ever feels like taking their own life is the answer--help us end the fear. Help us remove homophobia and transphobia from their comfortable spot in our culture. Help us stop the silence.
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