Baltimore ..... Here We Come

We are heading off to Baltimore for the Task Force's annual Creating Change Conference this week. Look for updates, commentary and images from the inside beginning with out arrival on Wednesday evening.

The official Creating Change Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/CreatingChange?sk=info

The official Creating Change Website http://www.creatingchange.org/

About A Stud

A few days ago, I posted a link on our Facebook Page that was an article from the Dallas Voice.  It was about the various labels that "butch" lesbians give themselves to describe who they are.  After reading it, it reminded me of an experience that I had when I was 36.  It happened when I went to the Social Security Office in Dallas and while in the waiting room, some girls struck up a conversation with me and that was the first time that I was first called a "stud".  I had no idea what that meant, maybe because of my age.  I think it were the younger lesbians that were using that label.  So anyway, I thought I'd share my story here.  I'd love to have any feedback in the comments section.

THE WAITING ROOM

"Pssst! Psst!" I look over to my left and see if the oh-so-subtle distraction is for me. It sure is. She brings her left hand to the side of her mouth, I guess so nobody else can overhear us, then she whispers something that I can't hear.

"What?"

"Are you a..."

"What?" I seriously couldn't hear her.

"Are you.."

"Sorry, I can't hear you."

"Well, I'm not going to say this so everyone can hear me.."

I just stare at her. Then she tries again, "Are you a stud?"

"A stud?"

"Yeah."

"What's that?"

"You know, a stud..."

"Nooo, I don't know..."

Then she sorta whispers and sorta mouths out, "Are you gay?"

"Oh... Yeah, why?"

Then she starts laughing at me. Not AT me, but I guess at the silliness of all the questions? No, she's not laughing, she's giggling. I just sit there and wonder what's the big deal and shrug my shoulders. She was sitting over there with a friend.. waiting along with me until our names were called. I guess she was observing people, just like me. People watching. But, shoot, I never ask anybody anything. I keep my mouth shut. These two girls, though.. felt the 'need' to talk to me. The one that started the conversation with me came and sat beside me. She said she wanted to talk to me. And for some reason, I'm not put off by all this nosiness. I guess I've been through worse...

"How long have you been gay? A week?"

"What? Uh, no. why?"

"Because you don't know what a stud is... you've never heard of that?"

"No. Never. I've heard of a stud in a wall..."

More giggles. She starts saying that she's not gay, but that she's asking me because her friend wanted to know. Again, she questions me to see if I'm really gay. I simply say, "I am SO gay."

She giggles, then her friend wonders what we're talking about, so she comes over and sits on the other side of me. Great. More attention. They start talking to each other as if I'm not there. The first girl telling the second girl what little conversation we've been having.

Then the second girl asks, "Do you know what fish is?" Or maybe she said, "fishes".. I have no idea. I didn't dare ask "what" again.

"No, never heard of that either."

She starts explaining that studs are girls who look all cute dressing boyishly and acting boyishly and fishes are the girls that dress in girl clothes and such.

In my head, I'm thinking, "Oh, Butch and Femme.. surely they don't think i'm Butch?.. I don't care. Or do I?" So, she says because of what I'm wearing, (jeans, sweater over t-shirt, a "Life is Good" baseball cap and a green jacket of some sort), I look like I'm a stud.

Then, she points to what she's wearing and says that she's a 'fish' or whatever she called it. I laughed at the stupidity of everything. Also, because she wasn't dressed so 'fish-y' or femme. At least, not in my book.

Then, soon the convo just got too much to keep up with. Apparently these studs are also called thuggs. I told them that I am NOT one of those. One of them asked if I had a girlfriend that I "keep" at home, "Maybe slap around every once in a while..."

"I don't slap anybody around."

"Oooh.. where have you been? We need more like you."

Then the first girl goes into this long story of how she saw this girl last night who she thought was a guy. "She was sooo cute. I couldn't believe she wasn't a guy..."

"Uh huh. Where at?"

"North Dallas."

"Oh."

I just look at both of them, laughing to myself because of how they see things.. see other people.. labeling each other.. all that hoopla. Right around then is when The Only Pretty Girl in the whole place starts moving her stuff closer to us. I'm wondering, "Why in the world is she moving closer? Does she really want to hear this conversation?"

Then the second girl starts asking if I live in the area. I tell her, no, not in that particular area. She asks if I live over by where I actually live and I play dumb pretending that I've never heard of the street. Then she says that she thinks she's seen me at "the store" before. I laugh because I start thinking, "of alllll the stores in the Dallas area, she thinks she's seen me 'at the store.' That's unlikely."

"A store?"

"Yeah, you know, like a grocery store? What? You never shop?" More giggles.

"Yeah, of course I do.. just there's sooo many stores..."

"Well, I think I've seen you at the Sack-N-Save before."

I quickly say, "No, I've never been there." (Because I haven't.) But I think she was waiting for me to tell her where I shop at. Like I'm going to offer any information.

All this time, The Only Pretty Girl is listening to us talk. I wonder if she's ever heard of 'stud' before. I'm starting to get really uncomfortable.

The first girl gets up and leaves and then it's just me and the second girl. She's all smiles with me and I have a stupid smirk on my face. "Does she know I'm laughing at her? Does The Only Pretty Girl really think I'm interested in either of these girls? Why the hell do I care about that? Oh yeah, cause she's really, really Pretty.

Then the second girl asks me if I ever date out of my race. And I say, "Of course." I mean, who stays in their own race anymore? All day I saw White women with Mexicans, White women with Blacks, White women with White guys.. yet I only see single Mexican women and single Black women... Hmm. Why is that? White women are taking all the men? My mind starts wandering.. drifting..


Second girl would not stop smiling at me and making small talk. I wasn't even encouraging any further conversation because after that race question, I was wondering if she was thinking I would ask her out or something. Um, hello? Are you kidding me? Who does that here at The Social Security Office? Just scumbags. I start playing with the plastic that I've taken off of my lip balm, rolling the sticky sides together, making a pretend cig or toothpick, nervous.. nervous.. nervous. And I keep looking over at The Only Pretty Girl for some kind of help. Help me get out of this awkwardness. No, she just watches. She likes watching.. another people watcher.

Then my name is called. I don't think it took me but a second to get out of my chair and head towards that door. Thank goodness. When I came back out, both girls were gone. Good! What if she wanted my number? Ugh!

The Only Pretty Girl is still there, waiting for her name to be called. I look her way and she gives me a wink, "bye." I KNEW she was listening!

Dr. Susan Love on Lesbians and Breast Cancer: OP-ED

by Dr. Susan Love

Whenever I speak at an event specifically for lesbians, this is the first question I am inevitably asked to answer: Is it true that lesbians are at greater risk of getting breast cancer?

The root of this question dates back to 1993, and a lesbian cancer researcher’s hypothesis that lesbians might be two-to-three times more likely to develop breast cancer than heterosexual women. This was primarily due to three breast cancer risk factors that appeared to be more prevalent among lesbians: drinking alcohol,  being overweight, and not having been pregnant.

At the time, there was virtually no research on lesbians and breast cancer. And that’s really what the researcher, Suzanne Haynes, was trying to draw attention to—the need to study this group of women. The good thing is that, as a result of her work, these studies are now being done. The bad thing is that that her hypothesis led to headlines that screamed “1 in 3 Lesbians Get Breast Cancer,” and a great deal of fear and concern.

There is nothing about being a lesbian, per se, that puts you at higher risk of developing breast cancer. But some of the lifestyle factors that Haynes identified in the lesbian community were and remain a problem. However, there are things you can do to address them:

• Studies have shown that being overweight not only puts you at greater risk of getting breast cancer but of being less likely to survive the disease. So, if you are overweight, make this the year you decide to do something about it by exercising more and eating a healthy, well-balanced diet. You don’t need to run a marathon. Just start walking around the block a few times instead of sitting down to watch TV.
• Drinking more than one drink a day just isn’t good for you—for many reasons. We all know that lesbians tend to congregate at bars. But just because you’re in a bar, doesn’t mean you have to drink alcohol. Start by trying to alternate an alcoholic drink with a non-alcoholic one.
• Next, don’t use hormones to treat menopausal symptoms for more than three to five years. This means ignore Suzanne Somers or anyone else who tells you that “natural” or “bio-identical” hormones are safe to use after menopause.
• Most importantly, find a doctor you like, and can trust, and who accepts you for who you are. Not getting regular breast cancer screening puts you at greater risk of having a breast cancer diagnosed later, when it is harder to treat. There are, to be sure, doctors out there who you would never in a million years want to come out to. But there are an increasing number of lesbian docs who would welcome the opportunity to have you as a patient. So, work those lesbian networks and find a doctor, and make an appointment.
I’m often also asked by transgender women and men about their risk of breast cancer. The bottom-line up front: We don’t know. That’s because we have no data on the incidence of breast cancer in transgender individuals. Very little research has been done in this regard and it is not a good idea to extrapolate from what we know about non-trans women. In the absence of this much-needed data, this is what the leading experts in transgender health provision recommend:
• If you are MTF, it is recommend that you begin having an annual chest/breast exam and mammography screening at age 50. We can’t assume that MTFs who have used hormones (estrogen and/or progestin) for five years or more are at higher risk that non-trans men. The hormones are different, are generally given at different ages, and are not usually associated with puberty.  This is an area that desperately needs more research.
• If you are an FTM who has not had chest surgery, begin having mammograms at age 50. If you have used testosterone, which the body converts to estrogen, you may be at higher risk than the average non-trans man of developing breast cancer. This is true even for FTMs who have had top surgery, because of breast tissue that remains in the chest wall after surgery. (It’s the same reason why non-trans women who have had a prophylactic mastectomy still have a small risk of developing breast cancer.) Understandably, it may be difficult to have a mammogram, so it’s important to be aware of any lumps that occur in the skin or under the scars and have them checked out.
• Of course, for transgender individuals, as for everyone else, there are other factors, like family history, that influence breast cancer risk. Be sure to tell your doctor if you have any family members who have had breast cancer. Also, be open and honest about your past and current hormone use, even if you obtained these hormones in unconventional ways.  And if your provider dismisses your concerns, find a new provider. You deserve excellent health care.
As you can see, there is still a lot that we need to learn about breast cancer risk among lesbians and transgendered individuals. But you don’t just have to sit back and wait for this research to happen. You can get actively involved in the research by signing up to be part of two amazing projects I’ve spearheaded:
• The Love/Avon Army of Women, which is enrolling women and men who are interested in taking part in research focused on what causes breast cancer and how to stop it.
• The Health of Women study, which will focus on uncovering breast cancer risk factors.

You can sign up for both of these programs on the Army of Women website: armyofwomen.org. You can get more information about breast cancer on the Dr. Susan Love Research Foundation website: www.dslrf.org

On Saturday, January 29, Dr. Susan Love will be the keynote speaker at "Lesbians & Breast Cancer: A Town Hall Forum" at the San Diego Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Community Center. In this article, Dr. Love talks about why breast cancer research is important to the lesbian and transgender community.

Get more information on the "Lesbians & Breast Cancer": A Town Hall Forum."
Bonus event!

Dr. Love is also speaking at an event in Rancho Mirage, CA on January 20th.  Get more information  at the Desert Sun.

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Power in Beauty

by: Sara Whitman

A friend of mine told me the other day how a date asked her when she knew she was beautiful.

Nice come on line, I replied. Did you have an answer? She did. She remembered when she did feel beautiful, a few years into what was a long-term relationship. It took time, trust, and confidence.

I wondered about the question. My answer would be, "Um, as soon as you tell me, sweetheart." Okay, I may be a little out of practice with come-back lines after 20 years of marriage.

I don't feel beautiful. I never have. Now, before you all start saying beauty is in your heart and all those nice things, the reality is I am not traditionally beautiful as a woman. I'm tall, broad-shouldered, and have a more masculine appearance. You could say I'm handsome and I'd believe you.

While I was sitting having lunch in a small cafe today between classes, I heard some comments from the two guys sitting next to me that stung.

It always stings. I try to have thick skin, to realize some people are simply stupid, but it always gets to me.

It's snowing like crazy. I'm in jeans, a sweater, and muck boots, which probably won't come off until April this year. It's New England, it's winter, and I'm thinking stilettos aren't the best choice with a foot of snow on the ground.

They started, loudly, talking about "shemales" and how they wished people would dress right.

The implication was that my gender was their business. It wasn't. I'm having lunch. Does it matter if I have breasts or a penis? One more comment and I was going to dump my soup in their laps.

It hurts. Do you have to make fun of me? Because, I was pretty much the only other person there aside from an elderly woman and two young lovers who were holding hands and kissing between every bite.

I glared at them and they snickered and went back to talking about football. I wish it wasn't quite that stereotypical but it was what it was.

The reason I can't answer the question about when I felt beautiful is because I don't fit. I was still raised as a girl, with little girl expectations of beauty. My mother would put books on my head and teach me to walk with good posture; she never did that with my brother. When it came time to wear makeup, she tried to give me lessons. I remember I was working at Burger King after school and the heat of the grease and makeup were not going to work well together.

I passed.

While I identified as a boy in so many ways, I was still a girl. Society engrained certain expectations, even in me. I rebelled against them. If my mother said, "Oh that's pretty," I'd put it back on the rack. I didn't want to be pretty.

But I did want to be beautiful. Pretty felt weak but beautiful meant power.

That is what it all boils down to, I realize. Power. Those two white guys felt they had every right to snicker away. To make me uncomfortable, to make a judgment and deem their worldview not only acceptable, but worthy of announcing.

Although I doubt they thought that deep. You have to wonder, though, what inspires people to be randomly mean.

All I know is I'm jealous of my friend's response, her real belief that she is beautiful (she is, by the way. No question). There is not only a level of self-esteem but a sense of power I wish I had.

Maybe then it wouldn't sting.

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An Open Letter to President Obama from People For the American Way

Written by Kimo

I was doing some web browsing today and I came across this letter that was written to President Obama on 6/23/2009 by a group called People For the American Way. The group made some bold but interesting statements in this letter. One of which the group equates the administration's DOMA brief to the policies of the Bush administration. Early in the letter they call Obama out and state that he has shied from promoting issues of equality:

“Any reasonable person is aware of the extraordinary challenges that faced the nation as you took office, including a dire financial crisis that has cost millions of Americans their jobs, homes, and access to health care. You have not shied from these most daunting of challenges. But it seems that you have shied from promoting the vision of equality that you articulated during your campaign.”

The letter also talks about the Presidents recent action to extend some benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees.

“Your recent action to extend some benefits to the same-sex partners of federal employees, and your statement from the Oval Office committing yourself to work tirelessly toward equality, could have been the kind of moment that was celebrated as a milestone on the march toward equality. But instead it had the feel of, and was reported as, an incremental half-measure rushed onto the stage to placate a discontented political constituency.”

The letter also calls on the president to use his leadership and "energetic moral vision" that was once demonstrated as a presidential candidate for the cause of gay and lesbian Americans.

I urge you to read this letter. You can do so by clicking the link Open Letter to President Obama

What are your thoughts? How do you think President Obama is doing when it comes to equality issues? I now there are probably some mixed opinions out there so lets hear them!

Rob Thomas has a “Big Gay Chip On His Shoulder”

Written By: Kimo

Yesterday I read an article about Rob Thomas, former Matchbox Twenty lead singer now solo artist, let loose to the Huffington Post this past Wednesday. The name of this article is “The Big Gay Chip On My Shoulder.” This article was a result of the supreme courts decision to uphold proposition 8.

I consider myself to be a gay Christian and I found that Rob made some very interesting and valid points against the ultra-conservative Christian right wing regarding religion and gay marriage. Here are some of the quotes from Rob that I thought were very interesting.

“I believe the fact that an atheist, who doesn't believe in God at all, is allowed to enter into the holy land of marriage while a gay Christian is not, shows that this law is arbitrary. Are we to believe that anyone who doesn't live their life according to the King James Bible isn't protected by the same laws that protect those who do? Using the same argument that I've seen on the 700 Club, that would mean that Jewish, Hindu, or Muslim weddings are also null and void.”

“I believe that to deny this right to the gay population is to say to them, "this god is not your god and he doesn't love you." There isn't one person who is against gay marriage that can give me a reason why it shouldn't be legal without bringing God or their religion into it.”

Rob even adds his comments on civil unions. We have all heard the argument, “If two women or two men enter into a civil union, why isn’t that enough? Why do they have to have marriage?

Rob Thomas answers that with, “A civil union has to do with death. It's essentially a document that gives you lower taxes and the right to let your faux spouse collect your insurance when you pass away. A marriage is about life. It's about a commitment. And this argument is about allowing people to have the right to make that commitment, even if it doesn't make sense to you.”

If you would like to read more about Rob Thomas’s “Big Gay Chip On His Shoulder” You view the full length article at the Huffington Post website at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rob-thomas/the-big-gay-chip-on-my-sh_b_208183.html

Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions!